Where Babies Come From
by Axel's Ashes
Summary: Nine-year-old Sora sets out to find someone with the answer to his question: Where do babies come from? ... Oneshot, Mild kid!Riku/Sora


Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

So the idea is probably extremely overused and cliche, but I _really_ wanted to use it.

* * *

Something about the day just made it seem like it was a good day to ask the question. The question, after all, had been nagging at nine-year-old-Sora's mind for quite a long time. For the most part, it was Kairi's abrupt existence that made Sora deeply consider this question. It was a very good question, he decided, and one that _someone_ must know about.

And so, it was on a bright, sunny, cheerfully radiant day that Sora sulked down the beach debating his question, and it was on this same day that Sora stopped dead in his tracks and looked up with eyes full of inspiration and a very good idea. The youth soon after found himself running down the beach full force, heading directly for the enthusiastic Wakka, who stopped in his training of blitzball to gaze at the active Sora. His eyes widened and he leapt out of the way just in time to save himself from being tackled. Sora soon recuperated from his crash into the sand, however, and Wakka found himself being pinned to the ground by a very serious, very wide-eyed Sora.

"Where do babies come from?!" demanded Wakka's attacker, and Wakka was taken very much aback by the bizarre question. In fact, it took him a whole two minutes to decipher the words which spilled from Sora's mouth, and another five minutes for him to realize that he had no answer.

Sora was quite infamous for his persistence.

It was from this reputation that Wakka made the firm decision to come up with some manner of answer, whether it be true or false, insane or logical. Sora patiently waited as Wakka thought long and hard for an answer to give him, but much to the redhead's dismay, there was no such answer he was able to give. He knew that although Sora was dense, he probably wouldn't fall for the "stork" theory, but he attempted it anyway, for the sake of his sanity.

"…storks, Sora. Storks. Everyone knows that, ya?" he said, sounding a little more arrogant than he would have liked. At least it sounded more convincing that way.

Sora's eyes filled with tears and he stood up, pouting his infamous pout. Wakka also returned to his feet, edging away from Sora as subtly as possible.

"NO!" yelled Sora, so suddenly that Wakka was sure he almost jumped right out of his clothes. "Riku says there's no such thing as a stork that brings babies. He says it's a lie to cover up the dirty things adults do."

Wakka found his face reddening, although he was not exactly sure why. Now he was curious as well. Perhaps this new question of Sora's was worth looking into.

"Hey, maybe Tidus would know, ya?" he suggested, and Sora's face immediately lightened up. It was hard to believe he had just been tearful. He smiled hugely and nodded.

"Great! We'll ask Tidus!" he exclaimed, and Wakka couldn't help but follow the fervent brunet in his quest to search out Tidus.

XXX

Tidus took the question very seriously. As his face turned pink, he brooded silently. Sora watched on, patient again, and Wakka found that it wasn't so easy to remain as patient as Sora. But these things couldn't be rushed, as Sora had pointed out in response to Wakka's complaint.

"That…" Tidus glanced hopefully at Wakka, who shrugged. "…the stork…?"

Sora sighed sadly. "No, it's not the stork. Riku said so."

Wakka chose this moment to speak up. "Supposedly the stork is a lie to cover up the dirty things adults do."

Tidus's face turned bright red, and it could almost have been mistaken for a sunburn; which he did use as an excuse when Wakka pointed out the strange variation in color.

"What do adults do?" muttered the bemused Tidus. Wakka nodded matter-of-factly.

"That's exactly what _I'd_ like to know, ya?" he replied.

Tidus looked at Sora uncertainly. "Do you think Selphie would know?"

Now Sora's face turned bright red. "NO!" he shouted, arms flailing around dramatically. "We can't ask the girls!"

"Well then who should we ask, Sora?" demanded Wakka. He was steadily losing the patience he never had in the first place.

Sora paled.

"M-maybe we could ask…"

"We should probably ask Riku," said Tidus, nodding his head sagely. Wakka nodded in agreement.

"Since he knew about it in the first place, ya?"

Sora became inexplicably obnoxious and frantic as he began to run aimlessly in circles before tripping over the sand (or perhaps nothing at all) and falling face first into a messy collision with the ground. Wakka and Tidus stared at him out of vague curiosity.

"NO NO NO!" screamed Sora. "WE CAN'T ASK RIKU!!"

"Then who are we going to ask, Sora?" Wakka inquired, eyebrow twitching.

"We'll ask Selphie!" answered Sora. With that, he was off in his obnoxious search for the answer to a question no one seemed to know.

XXX

If anyone (other than Riku) would know where babies came from, it would be Selphie. The boys were always caught off guard by her strange words and topics of conversation. She would talk about things like "love" and "romance" and "shoujo manga", which were all nonsensical to anyone other than her. She could always be caught dazing off, watching the sunset with a funny look on her face.

The three boys were certain that Selphie would be able to answer the Ultimate Question.

"Selphie," began Sora, pausing for dramatic effect as Selphie's eyes glistened with her incredible insight. Sora felt very confident. "Where do babies come from?"

The plan backfired as Selphie proceeded to squeal and run around insanely, muttering random, nonsensical things beneath her breath as she attempted to conceal her red face. She shooed the boys off, finding no difficulty when they tried to resist, as Selphie had attained a strange, unexplainable strength that she used only on certain occasions.

And so, the boys left dejectedly, moping along the ocean's shore with depression written all over and around them. They were so submersed in sorrow that they did not notice the cheerful Kairi running their direction, nor did they notice the sly smirk on her face which clearly read, "I am going to tackle Sora to the ground."

She did tackle Sora to the ground, Sora screamed, and Wakka and Tidus could only watch absentmindedly as they hopelessly tried to answer the Ultimate Question themselves. Even Sora could hardly react to Kairi's attack, which was enough to bore and depress the redhead.

"Okay, what's going on you guys?" she questioned. Tidus didn't look her in the eye. Wakka started to say something but looked away. Eyebrow twitching, Kairi looked down at the straddled Sora and stared at him until he finally gave in and pouted at her.

"No one can answer my question," he muttered, defeated. Kairi frowned.

"Sora, hardly anyone can answer your questions," she said. Wakka glanced at her, his last glimmer of hope shining in his eyes.

"Maybe you could answer it?"

Kairi's ego was enlarged several sizes. Her chin rose ever so slightly in her boundless confidence.

"Try me," she challenged.

"Where do babies come from?"

Kairi burst into hysterical giggles. There were so many giggles that the boys eyed her with slight fear, wondering if perhaps they'd driven her insane with their pointless question. This theory dejected them even further, and by this time they had completely given up all traces of hope.

Tidus and Wakka began to sulk away when Kairi waved at them, giggling, "Wait, wait."

The sliver of hope returned.

"Okay, so like, when two people love each other and they kiss and stuff, they make babies."

While Tidus and Wakka were stuck on "and stuff", Sora was emitting strange, squeal-like noises. All eyes turned to the completely-red Sora, concerned as he appeared to be having difficulty breathing.

"…S-sora…?" Kairi whispered, eyes widening in the suspicion that she'd killed her best friend.

"Kissing?" Sora murmured, and he repeated it until Kairi's patience wore off.

"What is it, Sora?"

Without any explanation, Sora flew out from beneath Kairi and sped off down the beach, screaming random things, amongst which was a phrase that had Wakka, Tidus, and Kairi stuck somewhere between confusion and paralysis.

"_RIKU GOT ME PREGNANT!"_

XXX

Riku was having a terrific day. He was left alone by the other annoying inhabitants he was often forced to associate with, he had a light breeze, and most of all, he had silence.

This was all shattered into tiny pieces, was brutally stabbed, and thrown into a vat of boiling acid as a flustered Sora tackled him to the ground. It wasn't so much Sora's silence-destroying powers that had Riku baffled as it was the random things said brunet was spouting off.

"RikuyougotmepregnantandnowI'mgoingtohaveababyandit'syourfaultsotakeresponsibility!"

This was followed by the arrival of Wakka, Tidus, and Kairi, all of whom looked…constipated?

"You got him _pregnant_, Riku!?" shouted Kairi. She was extremely angry. It was kind of attractive.

The words were probably the most stupid thing that had ever been said. Riku decided that they most definitely were. And everyone was staring at him. That was annoying, too.

"Kairi," he sighed, exasperated. Why did he have to deal with this? It was always one thing or another with these kids. "Guys can't get each other pregnant. And you can't get pregnant from kissing."

Tidus and Wakka exchanged glances and scoffed.

"Of course guys can't get each other pregnant," said Tidus.

"That's ridiculous, ya?" added Wakka.

Satisfied, the two of them wandered off to discuss all possible meanings of "and stuff".

"…guys can't get each other pregnant?" asked Kairi. She shook with dejection and tears, and kicked the flattened Riku. "Riku you jerk!" And with that, she ran away, crying.

Riku shook his head and looked up at Sora, who remained sitting on top of him.

"So I'm not pregnant?" he asked. Riku wiped at the brunet's tears, chuckling.

"No, you're not pregnant."

"So we can still kiss?"

"Yeah," Riku replied, "we can still kiss."

"But Riku…"

"What is it?"

"If kissing doesn't make people pregnant…"

Riku frowned. "…yeah?"

"Where do babies come from?"


End file.
